Grapevine Ministries
Messages from the bible to uplift and encourage those that need a word from the Lord, to strengthen their faith. Ps Phillip Barker is an itinerant pastor in Perth, Western Australia.
Grapevine Ministries
Finding Hope in Griefs Darkness Part II
Death interrupts our plans and leaves us emotionally violated—a confusing mixture of feelings that makes it difficult to know what to do next. Through this deeply personal exploration of grief, we unpack biblical pathways that offer genuine comfort while acknowledging the raw pain of loss.
Grief demands emotional honesty. The Psalms show God's people running to Him with their unfiltered sorrow, and He invites you to do the same. Rather than hiding behind a stoic mask, bring your questions, tears, and confusion directly to the Father of mercies and God of all comfort. This open dialogue creates space for authentic healing to begin.
While maintaining this vertical connection with God, don't neglect the horizontal relationships He's placed in your life. Scripture reminds us that life was designed as a community project—we need others to help us see clearly when our vision is blurred by tears. These godly friends exercise faith on our behalf when ours falters, gently redirect us when we wander toward grief traps like bitterness or envy, and remind us of eternal truths we temporarily forget.
Good morning, good afternoon, wherever you are in the world - Welcome to Grapevine Ministries.
Now I said I'd be back, and to you this would be a millisecond, but to me it was probably about five minutes. I had to reset everything. So this is is God punishing you? Part two I wanted to do this because otherwise I would have gone like over and then I would have messed it up, and so I thought this would be a better way of doing things, because now I want to go into what you need to do. Now I don't want you to take this as being gospel, or, but Pastor Phil said to do this or to do that or oh, but Pastor Phil said to do this or to do that. This is a guideline of things that you need to remind yourself of and to try and work through these things Now. I mean, nothing is better than one-on-one grief counselling if you need it, through a pastoral support or professionally, if that's what you feel that you need to do. I don't want you thinking that what I'm saying is gospel, even though it's based on the scriptures. I just want to make sure that you're not thinking that I've got a PhD in grief counseling, although I have studied it from the worldly concept of things. But it's pastoral. I'm being led by the Holy Spirit. This is what God's laid on my heart and I believe it will help you. So what you need to do?
Speaker 1:Grief leaves you emotionally violated and mentally confused. It's painful in expected and unexpected ways. In expected and unexpected ways, death interrupts your plans and messes up your schedule or your life plans. Sometimes death brings people together and sometimes it drives them apart. Death mixes the best and the worst of memories. Because death is this confusing mix of emotions and experiences, it is often hard to know exactly what to do when it has entered your doorway.
Speaker 1:Here are some biblical directions and the way that I believe, based on the word of God, that you should use this pathway. The first thing to do is to be honest about your emotions. Being a Christian does not mean being stoic. God doesn't want you to hide your emotions or wear a happy face mask. He wants you to come to him with complete honesty. See, in the Psalms, god invites us to bring our honest grief to him Now.
Speaker 1:Paul wrote a lot of the Psalms Now, and King David was another one. There's more King David than Paul. Sorry, I got mixed up there, because David was a very emotional person and he always wanted to go to God. Now, psalm 34.15 depicts God as a loving father watching over his children and listening for their cries. See, he's listening for your grief. He wants to wipe away your tears. Now these are some of the ones that you need to look at Psalm 13. Psalm 22. Psalm 42, and Psalm 73. Now I'll go through them again Psalm 13, 22, 42, and 73. 42 and 73. These picture God's people running to him in grief and confusion.
Speaker 1:Don't hide your emotions. When you are struggling, run to one who knows you completely and loves you faithfully. As Peter says, cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you, and that's 1 Peter 5.7. But listen, use the word of God. Okay, spend time in prayer or just sitting in his presence, but do not neglect family and friends around you. They don't know exactly what you're going through, but they can be empathetic towards you. There's a difference between empathy and pity. All right, so they try and understand, based on what you tell them, how you're feeling and they're there as a support structure, but nothing beats the word of God. Number two all right, and, like I said, these are only guidelines. All right, don't shoot the messenger. Run to where comfort can be found. Right when he was suffering.
Speaker 1:The Apostle Paul said an amazing thing about the Lord. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort. Now that's 2 Corinthians 1.13. As you can see, paul spent a lot of time writing to the Corinthians because they were going through some really rough times, and it's not the be-all and the end-all right. Really rough times, and it's not the be all and the end all right. But just take solace in knowing that this is there and it can help you.
Speaker 1:All real, lasting comfort has its source in the Lord, because he is the father of compassion and comfort. Think about this your heavenly father is in charge of comfort and compassion. He exercises his loving power on earth so that comfort will be available to you always. Whenever anyone, anytime, anywhere, experiences real comfort, it is because god, the source of all true comfort, has made it happen. It is never useless to cry out to him. He has the power to bring hope and rest to your soul in ways you could never conceive. God, in his grace, has assigned his job to himself. See, there's nothing better than God's comforting, compassion and his word. But also it says God will use man to do his work for him. And if God is leading you to someone who can generally physically and spiritually support you, then don't shy away from it. Don't just say, oh, only God can fix this, but God uses people as well. So don't shut yourself out, don't isolate yourself, but remember that God, in his grace, has assigned this particular job to himself. He's not farming it out to the angels or anything like that. He's saying, no, I'm doing this one myself, all right Now.
Speaker 1:Number three there are what they call grief traps. So don't fall into a grief trap. Moments of sorrow are also moments of temptation. Moments of sorrow are also moments of temptation. You have an enemy who wants to use this moment to tempt you to question God's goodness and love. He will tempt you to be envious of others and to become angry and bitter. The struggle of grief is not just a struggle of sorrow, but of temptation as well. Something as simple as seeing other people happy and you're not and you're envious of that person because they've got what you had or what you want. But it's not their fault that they're happy and that you're grieving. But also you've got to realize that sometimes these things call other things into play. You've got to look out for grief traps. You've got to look out for grief traps. Watch yourself for signs of doubt, anger, envy, self-pity, bitterness. When you see these things yourself, run to Jesus for his forgiveness, for his strength and for his protection. Now there's pills, there's drinking. That's the bell ringing saying I need some help. I need some support. I need to go to God.
Speaker 1:I've said this many times during my sermons. From Psalm 23.4. It's one of my favorite passages. It's often used to comfort during difficult times, including an approaching death, the passage of someone close, or facing life-threatening challenges. This verse speaks to the assurance of God's presence and protection even in the midst of fear and danger, with the understanding that death itself is not the end, but rather a shadow or image of its power, which has been overcome. Now I said this before, but next week I'm actually going to go through Psalm 23. So listen out for that. Point number four. Point number four Now you've got to open yourself up to God's helpers.
Speaker 1:Now remember I was saying this earlier. See, god designed life to be a community project. We need the help of others in our lives to become the people God created us to be with Ephesians 4, 1-16 and 1 Corinthians 13. Now, everybody knows that 1 Corinthians 13 is the love chapter, but Ephesians 4, 1-16. See, this is all about having a circle of people around you.
Speaker 1:When your heart is breaking and your eyes are blinded by grief, you need the help of others more than ever before. The godly friends that Jesus has put in your life can help you see things you would not see by yourself. They can help you remember God's goodness when you are tempted to forget. That's another thing that a lot of people do. They will exercise faith. Your friends will exercise faith for you when your faith is weak, when you are in despair. They will bring the comfort of Christ to you and they will gently warn you when you are tempted to go off track.
Speaker 1:Don't try to go through your sadness alone. God has placed helpers in your life, your sadness alone. God has placed helpers in your life. Look for them and be patient with them. Since no human comforter is perfect, their comfort will not be perfect either, and so the reason I'm saying this is because you know, surround yourself with friends and family, church members, you know people that can do things to distract you and keep you on track and help you get through. You know these difficult times and, like I said before, god will put somebody in your path. It may not necessarily be a family member or one of your siblings or something like that, or even someone from the church. There may be someone that God puts across your path and you're meant to interact with that person because it's a divine intervention and the only way you can truly know that is by spending time in the Word.
Speaker 1:Now, this is a hard one. The next one. I wasn't going to write this down, but then when I looked at the scriptures, I thought no, no, it needs to be in there. You have to be thankful. Even in the darkest moments, you can find clear signs of God's presence and his love. See, the apostle Paul says it this way give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Now that's 1 Thessalonians 5.18. Now, a lot of people don't necessarily read Thessalonians, but trust me, it's worth the read. 1 Thessalonians 5.18. Thessalonians 5.18. Notice the little preposition where he's talking about in In the middle of the verse.
Speaker 1:We are called to be thankful in every situation. This doesn't mean that you will always be thankful for what you are going through, but it does mean that you can be thankful for what God is giving you to sustain you in your grief, because he will give you things to sustain you. A lot of people forget to be thankful to God for all things. A lot of people forget to be thankful to God for all things, because all things that are bad, of the devil, all things that are good are from our Heavenly Father. In your darkness, there is always little lights of God's grace and love to be found. Search for those lights. Pay attention to the good things God is doing even in this dark moment, so your grief can be fixed and mixed with heartfelt gratitude. Remember also you're also going through this as well. Don't shut them out. You're also going through this as well. Don't shut them out. There's others that are grieving with you in relation to what you're going through. Don't shut them out.
Speaker 1:Once you find yourself in a dark situation, it's very, very hard to get out, and what you've got to realize is that you know it even says it in the Word of God Darkness doesn't exist. All it is is the absence of light. Now he is the light of the world. He brings the light to you. Now I've got a couple more here. Number more here. Number six also don't neglect your spiritual habits. Now, everybody's got their spiritual habits, things that they do on a regular basis. And all of a sudden, if grief comes along, all of a sudden, if grief comes along that overtakes something you've got. You know, it's like it's me. I read the Bible every morning, and if I don't do it, if I miss it for some reason, all of a sudden I'm thinking why are things not going as smoothly as I like them today? Or things got worse than the bad situation I'm in?
Speaker 1:It's because your body, designed by God, is pre-programmed to do things and God is in the numbers as well. And so you see things like if you decide to start exercising, for instance, the first few days and weeks are very painful, very challenging and you almost want to chuck it in. But if you do the same thing for 40 consecutive days, your brain reprograms that part of your body and it becomes part of your normal everyday routine. So what actually happens is that then, if you miss out doing that, you think what's missing? It's because 40 days creates a habit. It's because 40 days creates a habit. So if you do something, so the same thing for 40 days. It will become part of your dna and so you need to break that cycle.
Speaker 1:So if you've got spiritual habits, when you're overwhelmed with sadness it can seem pointless to even pray. You may feel too weak and emotionally distracted to read the Bible or to be with Christian friends to attend public times of worship. But you need these spiritual productivities because these are habits in your life and now more than ever. Ever, that's what you need. God has called you to do these things because they mature your heart and strengthen your soul. They remind you of who you are and who the lord is, they reconnect you to your identity as his child and it helps you to remember that there is a time coming when you won't have to face death ever again. Try and maintain your spiritual habits and everybody does things differently, but what I've found? That sometimes, even in my circumstances, if it's too challenging for you to pray or to spend time in the Word, then listen to it on audio. You know you can listen to prayers on audio and you can listen to the audio Bible. But get the word into your body, get it flowing through you, and I know this is probably a little out there, because we don't want it to be happening sooner than later, but celebrate eternity.
Speaker 1:Look beyond this moment of grief to an eternity with God. See, when you entered into God's family, when you became born again, you started a journey that won't end until you are with the Lord in eternity and you'll be reunited with loved ones. The heartbreaking pains of life in a fallen world will someday end. The crushing sadness of death will end Someday. You will grieve no more and you won't need to grieve anymore. Everything that's good comes from heaven. If you do the, our Father who Art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Kingdom, come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven, because there's no sickness, there's no lack, there's no pain, there's no sorrow, there's no grieving in heaven. But when heaven comes to earth Through the second coming, all those that are born again will be celebrating with Jesus. Now, finally well, not necessarily finally, but this is my last point on this subject.
Speaker 1:Anyway, give away the comfort you have received. Scripture says that God comforts us not only to bring rest to our hearts, but also so we can comfort others. 2 Corinthians 1.3-4. If you have experienced god's comfort in your time of grief, you are uniquely able to understand what a fellow christian or a fellow griever is going through. So what you do and what you say will give other mourners hope and rest.
Speaker 1:Don't hoard your comfort. It's like anything else he says. You know, give, and it should be given unto you. You know what we do, what God gives us. Okay, we've got to give out to others. It's a, it's a conduit. It's. It's a that's probably not the right word Condit, it's a conduit. Okay, as stuff flows down from heaven into us, god wants us to share that with us and others. It's the same with you being born again. Share the gospel, share it with others.
Speaker 1:Or if people come to you and say, oh, christina, oh, oops, um, uh, I shouldn't have mentioned your name. Sorry, love, uh, but it's only a name. There's thousands of christinas around. Sorry, but you know I'm talking to you anyway, but what I'm saying is that you know I'm talking to you anyway, but what I'm saying is that sharing is caring.
Speaker 1:You know, as you face the death of a loved one, remember that you're not alone. Jesus endured death for you so that, even in the face of death, you would be able to live with hope, strength and courage. And because of what Jesus had done. Good things can happen even in the darkest moments of your life. Don't let grief rob you of your life. Choose to live and experience the grace that Jesus died to give you. See, christians are called to thank God for everything. Does this mean that you and I are not allowed to grieve? No, it doesn't mean that. Certainly not. But we've got to be able to actually help others as they help us. Don't feel guilty because you're grieving.
Speaker 1:Many Christians think that glorifying God as they grieve means putting on a happy faith, but this is a misunderstanding of how God wants us to handle the crushing sadness of death. I go back to what Paul said in 1 Thessalonians 4.13. He captures it rather uniquely this way God's perspective on our grief. But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do, who have no hope. I'll read that again because I messed it up. This is 1 Thessalonians 4.13. But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do, who have no hope.
Speaker 1:Christians do grieve. There is a time for grieving. There's a time for rejoicing. There is a time for grieving. There's a time for rejoicing, and we should, because death was not part of God's original plan. We know that death exists because sin has entered into the world. Death should make us angry, it should make us sad, but we do not grieve as if we have no hope. We have hope because we trust in God, who made us and the rest of the world. We trust in his love for us, we trust in his goodness and we trust that he is in control of our lives. And we know that Jesus is working to put death to death, our lives. And we know that Jesus is working to put death to death and we know that someday we will live in a place where there will be never again any sickness, sorrow or death. So our sadness is mixed with rest and our sorrow is colored with hope.
Speaker 1:You you ask why would a loving God allow this? Now, I'm only going to touch on this briefly because, realistically, it is what it is. But the question here is a natural question of how many who face death of a loved one. Yet one of the things that is very important to do when you're dealing with death is to resist asking questions that cannot be answered. When you are grieving, it is tempting to think that if you could get answers to the questions that plague you, your grief would be lessened. The questions are quite natural why here, why now? How could God let this bad thing happen to such a good person? Happen to such a good person? Listen, anyone who has grieved has asked questions like this. The problem is that they simply are not answerable. These things are secrets in the mind of God and therefore mysteries to us all.
Speaker 1:The key to comfort and peace will not be found in figuring out God's secret plan. Lasting comfort is not found in what you know, but who you know. Real comfort comes from when you rest in your relationship as a child of the wisest, most powerful, most loving, most gracious, most forgiving and most faithful person in the universe. He has promised to never leave you Now. Joshua 1.5 and Hebrews 13.5. That's Joshua 1.5 and Hebrews 13.5. That's Joshua 1.5 and Hebrews 13.5.
Speaker 1:Listen, he is committed to making even the worst moments in your life result in good. Romans 8.28 through to 38. And he will give you everything you need to face whatever you encounter in a fallen world after death. 2 Peter 1.3. Listen, remember, we live in this world, but we are not of it. Remember we live in this world, but we are not of it. The day will come when we are reunited with all those that have gone before us. Trust God, trust in his word, but just remember getting answers to what's robbed you of a happier life. It isn't the be-all and the end-all. You know Jesus is the same today, yesterday and forever, and he is love, and Emmanuel means that he is with you. Trust him, but allow him to embrace you during your time of grieving. I hope this helps. Love you guys, love the support that I get, and just remember Jesus is Lord over all things.
