Grapevine Ministries
Messages from the bible to uplift and encourage those that need a word from the Lord, to strengthen their faith. Ps Phillip Barker is an itinerant pastor in Perth, Western Australia.
Grapevine Ministries
Walking Through Grief With Faith And Purpose
Grief doesn’t ask for permission, and it doesn’t follow a script. We open up about what it means to move forward without erasing the people we love, blending practical tools with gentle, faith-informed guidance. You’ll hear clear language and real stories that honour the weight of loss while pointing toward hope, agency, and community.
We start by reframing “moving on” as integration, not forgetting. From sleep, healthy food, and gentle exercise to simple routines that anchor the day, we trace the small habits that make healing possible. We talk about spirit, soul, and body as a way to understand the ache for connection, and how hope can mature into faith and belief when you’re honest about pain. Scripture is offered as an anchor rather than a bandage, highlighting passages that meet you where you are and remind you that walking through the valley means emerging on the other side.
Along the way, we challenge myths: time alone doesn’t heal, tears aren’t weakness, and faith doesn’t cancel sorrow. You’ll hear why no one can fully know your grief and why that truth deserves respect. We look at the role of pets and service animals, the quiet strength of neighbourhood rituals and church communities, and the risks of numbing crutches like alcohol or gambling. We also unpack triggers and PTSD, from songs and scents to places that pull you back, and we share ways to face them with care and support. Most of all, we give permission for complexity: you can love again without betrayal, celebrate without denial, and cry without breaking.
If this conversation steadies your steps, share it with someone who needs a handhold today. Subscribe for more grounded, hope-filled episodes, and leave a review to help others find this space. Your story matters, and we’re honoured to walk a few steps with you.
Good morning, good afternoon, wherever you are in the world - Welcome to Grapevine Ministries.
Please feel free to check out my first publication, it is also available on Google and Amazon Books.
https://www.xlibris.com/en-au/search?query=Phillip+Barker
Now that I'm back in Western Australia after being in the eastern states for five and a half weeks, um, but we still continue on with our podcast. But before I get started, I just want to make a statement, so to speak. I've been asked to do this. I'm I'm in the process of starting a new series, um, more about that later, but um I was prompted to do this, but I I want to make sure that anybody that's listening to this, um, because this is about moving forward from loss and grief. And when I'm talking about moving forward from your grief or your loss that's in your life, it's not about forgetting and trying to integrate their loss into your everyday life, so it's always there, constantly reminding you of what you've been through. Because that involves allowing yourself to feel and to seek support from friends, family, or professionals, you know, practicing self-care and things like getting enough sleep, healthy eating, a little bit of gentle exercise, and trying to create a routine and find purpose so you're honoring your loved one's memory, but you're still understanding that healing is a unique nonlineal journey taking, taking place. Now, I don't ever want to assume that I know what you've been going through, what you're feeling, what your circumstances are, even though I have experienced loss in my life, everybody is different. The relationship you have with a close family member, um, your loved ones, um, even sometimes uh your pet, depending on your circumstances. Nobody can say that they know how you're feeling. I remember when I was in the wheelchair, um, the one thing I didn't like when people used to come in and they go, Oh, Phil, I feel your pain, I I I know what you're going through, and I go, Well, no, you don't. Unless you are my twin brother, and have exactly the same condition or the same circumstances that I have, no one can ever know what another person is feeling like and how they manage to move on from that grief or loss in their life. But being able to move on from that grief needs for you to find a focus, you you need to find hope and healing through your faith. And if you haven't got faith of any kind, I strongly recommend that you find it. The reason I say that is because inertly we are made up of a spirit, soul, and a body, and those those three components are the same with everybody. We actually live in a physical body which deteriorates over time depending on how we go about looking after our body. Um, we have a soul, which is our our logic reasoning, our thought patterns, the thing that makes us unique and different from other people, even to the extent of you're a twin and you're you're different. There's something unique about you that's not the same as your other twin. So, but the main component is every and scientists will tell you the same thing. We're made up of an energy source that is the spirit. Now, I believe, and born-again Christians and people that are you know living a life for Christ know that Jesus, his spirit, has come to live within us because God is a you know a three-head component. He's the Father, He's the Son, and He's the Holy Spirit. So the three are the same, but individual. If you want more on that later, but the point that I'm trying to make is there is a spiritual component in your body, and that is looking to connect with another spiritual entity. Now, I believe that is the spirit of God, the living God, our Heavenly Father. Um, but there are so many different other religions and other faith movements, but that that component is there. So if there's something missing in your life, that is what's missing, that connection with that spirit, okay? So whatever you are, wherever you're from, whatever your background is, those three components remain the same: spirit, soul, and body. So this is why I'm saying it is, you know, we live in this world, but we're not of it. We are a spirit, soul, and body. Father, son, and the holy spirit, it's the trinity, right? And that spirit wants to connect with the spirit of the living God that I believe, but it wants to connect with the spirit, and so the thing is you need, you know, there's one thing that everybody needs in their life, they need hope. Okay, hope builds faith, faith builds belief, and belief gets you to a place that you know that you know that you know, that you're on the right path. So emphasizing that God is present in your sorrow, offering comfort and strength, and being willing to use your pain for future ministries to others, all the while acknowledging that grief is a necessary journey to be walked with Jesus. Always remembering you're not alone. He Jesus is always with you. Knowing this will and must commence, leading to a deeper spiritual growth and a future glory with him. Now, I'm not saying it's the be all and the end all, but I mean I look at it from this way. If you look at the word of God, God's word is always your best source for inspiration, even for acknowledging loss. You've got Matthew 5, 4, it talks about leaning on God and community for support. See, even though this was written thousands of years ago, it understands the dynamics of how the human race works and what is needed. Also, you look at Psalm 3418, finding purpose in pain. Now, God doesn't cause your pain and suffering, but he will use it to benefit others. One of the things that I am blessed with is because I have been through so much in my life, and that's why I've written a book, is because I'm able to relate to a certain degree what it's like to have loss in your life, to have pain and suffering and all that sort of stuff. And but the word of God is your benchmark, you know. If it wasn't for my faith and Maria's faith, my wife, I I honestly think we'd be sitting with the Lord right now. We would not have survived the journey that we had to go through. But I don't want to make this about me, I want to make this about you, the person that is listening to this right now. The pain and the suffering that you're going through, the grief that you are carrying, the sorrow that is in your life. I'm hoping and praying that this will help you move on. And just remember, moving on is not forgetting, you know, it's it's like your first love that you had in your life. Your first love is always your first love. No one can ever compare to that first love, but it doesn't stop you from loving another as much or even more, because I say to my wife, every night, I love you, love you to the moon and back, love you forever and ever. Amen. The thing is because you know, there was an Elvis song out, uh, and it says, I love you more today than yesterday, and less than I will tomorrow, because each day you build on the love. You do that with your children, you do that with your spouse, you do that with your parents, and we do have ups and downs, but flesh and blood, there's no getting over that, and that's why Jesus came and went up to the cross. Now, moving on, 2 Corinthians 1 4 is about holding on to the hope of eternal life through Christ, and 1 Thessalonians 4 13. See, the thing is we've got to have that hope. It's talking about holding on to that hope. Now, to be absent from the body, to be present from the Lord, those that are born again believe that and know that that when they die, uh they go to be with the Lord, and we've got to believe, irrespective of where our family member, our loved one was in their um faith journey, we've just got to believe that we know that they're in a better place. We may never know with some people, right? But we've just got to believe that we gotta have faith in our own belief. But remember, grief is a process, you know. I mean, I've said this before, and and I'm not gonna go through it again, but uh, you can look it up, Google it, or whatever you like. But there's five stages of grief, okay? But the point I'm I'm not going through those now, but what I'm saying is here is you've got to remember that grief is a process, it's not a destination. Yea, though I walk through the valley of shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. People, when they read that part of that scripture, they get there and they go, Um, that sounds pretty dark and and and dismal. But the the key component of that passage of scripture is that as you walk through Jesus is with you. See, if you're walking through something, that means you come out of the other side. I've said it on many, many occasions. Sometimes people get there, or they're told, you know, they've told, oh, you'll never amount to anything. You're a loser like your parents were, and and this is what you're destined to do. No, you choose the path that you want to take, you choose the journey that you want to be on, but we're all on a journey, right? You know, from from birth to death and everything in between, right? We're on a journey, and we've got to try and maintain our focus in the right area, so we will go through trials and tribulations. It says that over and over again in the scriptures as well. You will go through trials and tribulations, but we all come out the other side. Don't have a crisis happen in your life and enter into a darkness that you withdraw from people, family, you know, society, and you let it encompass you, you let it grip you, you let it become part of your life. And no, it's a process, it's not the final destination. Just remember it's a season, Ecclesiastics 3:1, that must be walked through, not a state of being stuck in. You know, like honoring the pain by allowing yourself to feel it is key to spiritual growth. You've got to acknowledge it. See, this is another thing that a lot of people don't do. They want to be that they want to tough it out for whatever reason they choose to tough it out. Oh, you know, my dad taught me that, you know, I was a sissy if I well, that's the wrong terminology you use this day, but I mean, you know, you he's basically saying you're weak if you cry. Sometimes you need to cry. I've seen many people uh returning from uh conflicts overseas, uh, and they've broken down and cried because of what they've experienced and what they've gone through. So what I'm saying is that's the textbook pastoral approach and the guidance that I think you need, but from experience, I know that's not what you're really looking for. So with that in mind, this is what I would like um to have you people hear. When it happened to my family, and I know everything, every situation is different based on what you've experienced. So we'd never like to assume anything. So I can only hope and pray that this helps you in your journey and remember everything, everything in life is temporal, subject to change. That's 2 Corinthians 4 18. Now it's been like 30 years since my father passed away, and I sometimes still miss him. Some of my sadness is over the loss of my dad, my father.
SPEAKER_00:Some of the life events we never shared.
SPEAKER_01:How one faces loss is what we call grief. Did I grieve in the proper way? I'm not sure I actually did, because I was only a very young Christian then. And yes, I'm certain that time is not the greatest healer. You know, you listen to some of the things that are said in society, you know, like time heals all wounds. Rubbish. That that's that's a myth, you know. Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Another one, total rubbish. You know, sticks and stones will break your bones, but words are very powerful. They're sharper than the two-edged sword, and they cut deeper than the deepest marrow. So, in many cases, if someone speaks partially into your life, you will remember that longer than you will remember the pain of a broken arm or a broken toe. It is a reality.
SPEAKER_00:So the thing is, it's only a great distancer, right?
SPEAKER_01:God is the great healer, but there are times when his prescription seems harsh, we are to trust in the one who is in charge of the universe and has the power to soften the blows of loss, yet, from limited perspective, the impact does not feel like it's cushioning you. Do not assume that just because you're a Christian and you go to church, um you're you've got over the grief that was in your life. I've actually um officiated over many funerals, uh, and they're some are Christian, Catholic, um, even a Maori Christian, uh a Maori, yeah, Maori Christian is what they were, but they uh they uh adhered to all of their um Maori condition uh traditions, should I say see it's it's uh it's all put in perspective, right?
SPEAKER_00:Um so I never ever want to assume anything now.
SPEAKER_01:I know it's been thirty years since my dad passed away, and I sometimes still miss him. Some of my sadness is over the the loss, and some of it's over things that we'll never do. So how do we face this? You know, I still to this day think that maybe, you know, because I've seen the way people react at um funerals, and it's such a a sliding scale, um, and it may be that person's personality, it may be the way that they've they've they deal with things. In general, but everybody handles it differently. See, the somewhat expected loss of a parent is not equivalent to the unexpected loss of a child or a loved one. Although the scenarios and the details are different concerning grief, each of our life stories has a common theme of loss. Loss is the great leveler. Now, sometimes I think that people assume that um oh when your parents uh are are old, well you're expecting them to eventually die and go to be with the Lord or wherever it is you believe in they're going. The theme of loss is unwelcome. Throughout the biblical narrative, as a result of sin, but the theme of hope is never far behind as the gospel breaks through the darkness, the great promise of revelation, that no tear was wasted, assured, and God assured us that somehow what God was doing was for the good of us, using the lost to bring all of creation to display his glory, a glorious display of grace and compassion and redemption and hope. I didn't want to really make this a sermon, I really wanted to make this more along the lines of uh trying to be a support structure for anybody out there that is currently grieving loss of something or someone that they loved. And like I said, everybody's different and everybody looks at things differently. Um I remember there was uh someone that I knew uh that had a I don't know, it was one of those little type of dogs. I'm gonna say a caboodle because that's what my son's got, it was something like that. It might have just been a miniature poodle, I don't know. But when that person's uh pet passed away, it was more devastating to that lady than it was when she lost her husband, and because what it was is that that pet meant more to her in many ways than what uh uh husband did of like 30 years, and and you find that this happens a lot. A lot of people uh when they are grieving, they have a pet, though, or they get a pet, and uh and that helps soften it because they get that agape love, that unconditional love. Uh that dog or that cat just gives love, you know. It's it's not conditional, they don't get there and go, well, look, if you scratch my back, and I'll be I'll let you cuddle me and hug me and do all that sort of stuff. And that's why you see a lot of people with disabilities, a lot of people that are ex-military, okay, have a what they call a service dog. Uh and it's and it is a support mechanism, and it has it's globally known that if you've got a support animal, it can go anywhere with you, literally, even where pets aren't allowed, because it's not really a pet, it's an extension of them, it's something that they're able to pour their grief into and receive love back because it's that agape love, that unconditional gut. Now, I'm not telling everybody to go out there and buy themselves a pet, all right? I'm not going, oh, what have we done? You you got a you got yourself a dog or you got yourself, oh, but Pastor Phil said this would help me. No, no, no, no. I'm saying some people use that as a source of comfort. Everybody has their own way of doing things. The one thing I will say though, is don't allow an addictive thing in your life like alcohol, drugs, gambling, any of those sort of things to be your crutch for getting through your grieving process. Right? Keep your family close to you, you know, and if your family isn't the supportive type, then find a local community or a local church. You know, I got some friends of ours that um, you know, I mean, yes, they're Christians and all that sort of stuff, but every every Christmas they have they live in a cul-de-sac and they invite the whole cul-de-sac, all the all all the property owners in that cul-de-sac to a barbecue, just to say, well, we got through another year, congratulations. Now, they don't have a day-to-day relationship with that, with those people, but um they build a rapport, you know, and you can do this community groups, churches, um, you know, like getting into crafts, things that, you know, and I noticed that when I was was disabled, one of the things that uh the they were called the Northern Carers. Um they were there for my kids to to interact with other um children that had a disabled person in their family. You know, they used to say that if you get a a class of 30 children, um one in ten will um have someone in their life that needs full-time care and that they associate with, and it changes their perspective, changes the way they look at life, changes the way that they move forward. But what I want to do is I want to let everybody know out there moving forward is not about forgetting, and it's not about you know um just going on enjoying life. There is a there is a part of what you've lost that will always be in your life. Now, if it's a the loss of a loved one, and you're not being unfaithful if you go and you find someone else to fill that void, someone else to love, someone else to share the rest of your life with. Uh, you're not being unfaithful, you're not forgetting about that person. You will always have that person in your life, and sometimes it could be like 10 years down the track, say you lost a spouse and you and you remarried and you were moving on with your life, and then all of a sudden uh a Garth Brooks song comes on, and all of all of a sudden you're thrust back to you know the pain and the loss that happened in your life, um because of a song, you know. You even do it when you're I'm I'm we've been married now, me and my lovely wife, 42 years, and every now and again a song will come on, and I because I listen to all genres, um and uh sometimes my wife can't understand that. Um, but all of a sudden a song will come on and it will remind her of something that was traumatic in our life or something that was glorious in our life. It's just the way the body mechanism works. Um PTSD uh that is a it's a it's a very common ailment by ex-military people, but it does not say that PTSD doesn't happen to other people in the secular world that actually find themselves in a traumatic experience like a bank robbery or a car accident or something like that. But it's very real, you know. Many, many years ago they used to say, Oh, yeah, you're just a wuss, you know, man up, build a bridge, get over it, type thing. You know, and they and they keep it inside. You've got to let that grief out, and sometimes things like with post-traumatic stress disorder, um, it can be a smell, a sound, uh, an environment, and it could take you right back to where that event took place, that something traumatic was happening. But by the same token, it could be something as simple as like you walk past this massive big, you know, um jasmine bush, and the and the you get that sweet aroma that they've got a very strong perfume, these flowers, and then all of a sudden it reminds you of your wedding or your first date or whatever. Okay. Now I hope this helps, but um, don't feel guilty because you choose to move on, but don't feel guilty because you're trapped in the loss and the grief that took place in your life. Like I said, everything's temporal, subject to change. That's biblical, that's from the word of God, okay? And it also says that time heals all wounds. Now it heals, but it doesn't you know make you forget, and you'll always have a place for that person in your life. I hope this helps. And uh next week, hopefully, if uh Lord willing, he doesn't change things. I'm actually going to start a series on Psalm 91. Now, even just starting my notes for this, I thought, wow, this is bigger than Ben Hear. But it's a challenge that I want to accept, and I hope you'll be on that journey with me. God bless for now, and we'll talk to you next week on Great Vine Ministries.
